The Low?

Life is just crazy. This past week has been unbelievably hard for many reasons. As a result, my hair is falling out in clumps (literally) and my eye won't stop twitching. I have been sleeping horribly, waking up in near panics for no apparent reason. I wake up thinking of students and all that I have to do, yet to do, failed to do, etc. I feel so much pressure and stress and I really can't pin point what it is exactly. Perhaps it is that I need consistency, I need a set group of kids that I get everyday so I won't get pulled to substitute. They gave me the core group of 4th graders about 7 weeks ago but I still keep getting pulled to substitute and do other obnoxious things... the worst of it is substituting, I HATE it. Last week I subbed for what is notoriously known as the worst class at Gallegos. The behavior in the class was so bad while I was subbing that I was humiliated when my principal came in for two hours to monitor/help with behavior. It was embarrassing that she had to come in and stay that long because I couldn't control them. I failed that day and disappointed her.

Today caps off the worst of the week-long slump. I had to go deliver some standardized tests to the testing center on the other side of Houston. On my way, a semi-truck in front of me flew a GIANT piece of shredded tire right into my car. I drove over it and saw my life flash in front of me. I didn't swerve to miss it (thank God, I would have crashed into the car next to me as this was in rush hour). The shredded piece of tire tore off the undercarriage of my car and ruined both bumpers on both ends. I was able to drive my car to my apartment as I was only a mile away. I called Geico and found out I have to pay a $500 deductible!!!! My worry prior to this was how the heck I am going to pay $500 to fly home, I am already not able to fly home for Thanksgiving (another low). And! I had to waste half a vacation day to deal with all of this. My insurance provides rental car coverage up to $25 a day. However, Enterprise (who Geico uses) only had a $40 a day ginormous who-know-how-many-tons truck available. So, I had no choice but to elect to rent this beast of a stupid vehicle and pay the extra money. I hate the truck. My car got towed and tomorrow I will find out how much it is going to cost. I am really stressed and worried. I am sick of Houston, sick of not having any sort of consistency at school, and sick of being so broke. Teach For America was not honest with me about the first year teaching salary. They told me I would be making $42,000. But they forgot to tell me that I would also have to pay nearly $7000 in course fees to pay for this alternative certification program. They should have told me that, prior to me choosing to live where I am living (which I don't like but I won't burden this blog with that). Living on $1800 a month is a lot harder than I had imagined!

So, life goes, some weeks are good and some weeks are just sooooo bad. I am really looking forward to coming home for Christmas and being around people that I love. I miss having relationships in my life and people around me that I really care for and love.