Tonight's Run

I went on a run tonight right before dark and had the most euphoric beautiful experience ever. For once in several months there was not any humidity and the temperature was in the mid 70's with a nice pleasant breeze. I began running and I felt great. My body has been hurting recently and I had a really bad weekend where I just felt overly lonely which began on my Birthday without really having anyone to hang out with. Anyway, I began running feeling well and enjoying the weather. As I was running, I switched music from the normal techno/music with various beats that I run well to, to a mix that my dear friend Angela made awhile ago. Along the route I first ran along the bayou, along the rushing water from recent rain and along grassy meadows and trees. I ran through a nice neighborhood and into the medical center. I ran through the medical center, the largest in the world, passing the radiation center, the cancer center, the several children's hospitals, the medical schools, listening to this mix from Angela with a bunch of songs with various meanings. I felt so powerful and at ease, I was running a great pace without breathing hard, I felt great. THe anxiety I felt all day ceased. I kept going, I passed a young 20 something year old woman with a bald head from cancer sitting on a bench in the dark, then I passed a roaring waterfall, ambulance with paramedics working on patients, a car accident, mean while I kept going, listening to this beautiful music thinking God, I feel so good. I am so healthy. THen I passed a few homeless men in the park. All my stress and my unhappiness exist why? There are patients looking out the window at me, healthy, running, feeling great to music with sentimental and powerful lyrics. I am blessed. Darkness drew. I kept going. I ran through the zoo, through the golf course, memories flooding from my years with Angela, Canby, home, mom, living. I eventually got back to my apartment with a different outlook on things. I think this is what is called a runner's high. This makes absolute no sense. I did not do justice to the run I just went on, but that's the beauty of it... it was too incredible to put into words :)

Turning 24 At School

Despite feeling like a circus conductor trying to train 42 different monkeys that understand different languages and commands, life at school is going really well. I am having fun. I feel much more confident and enthusiastic than last year... it is amazing what one year can do! Second year is truly much easier. I have two sets of 5th graders with 20 and 21 in each class. They came to be really behind which is making me work really hard right away with a huge sense of urgency to get them to pass and at the level of their peers. It is nice having a stable classroom where I am not pulled to do this thing and that. Stability has led to a huge increase in overall happiness. Each day has seemed like five in one and after school tutorials start in a week!

Other than school I have been really busy teaching a few private lessons after school and working out, the Portland marathon is now in a month, yikes! I am excited despite some shin issues. Being busy outside of school by exercising has given me something to do and not feel as lonely. I cannot wait for the day when I have a lot of friends and family around me.... my life is in quiet solitude right now which is apparent today on my Birthday with no real plans of anything other than going for a run when it cools off. It makes me sad, but whatever, I chose to be here and put myself in my situation.

The kids have helped me celebrate my Birthday, they began the day singing to me. One girl gave me a bottle of cologne, haha. So sweet. Another boy gave me a snow globe that had to have come from his house with one dolphin in it that is in its position, but the other dolphin has broken off and lays dead on the bottom of the globe!!! I have also gotten an old stuffed animal and Hershey kisses, the thought is what counts in the lives of these kids. My homeroom class from last year brought be a cake and sang to me at lunch. The kids have made my day.

Gotta go grade some tests to see if I really taught them anything this week!

Robert

It's been awhile

Yesterday was the first day of school and man was I tired! I started back two weeks ago with professional development, workshops, and other long, mundane, teacherly activities... it made me excited for the kids to come back! I am teaching 5th grade reading and writing to the ESL portion of 5th grade. I have 40 students total split between two classes. Right now they're taking a day long Reading test required by the district, second day of school and a 7 hour test, ha! Tomorrow is Math and then Thursday is Science and Writing... some of the kids are beginning, after three years of taking state tests, to enjoy these lengthy beasts.

I have 4 students that moved here from Mexico over the summer, one of whom has never been to school before. I feel horrible for them because they're in my class and they do not know or understand that much English... I know I should not be teaching them as I am not able to service them the way that they need to be serviced. This is going to be a challenge!

It is kind of nice getting back into a routine. I am staying extremely busy. I am continuing to train for the Portland Marathon which is on October 5th. It has been good for me to pick up and find enjoyment in going for long runs. I am also swimming on a master's team a few days a week and cycling 2-3 times a week. Exercising has become THE activity to do in Houston to stay away from food and shopping, the two big Houston activities. It has been a good outlet though and a way to relax after work and put my mind elsewhere. I feel much better now too!

I am teaching a few private swimming lessons and might start working at a running store on the weekends for a. a good discount, b. some extra cash to pay down debt, and c. something to do! I still feel pretty lonely here but I am set on living life in solitude for one more year while concentrating on the task at hand here at school. 10 months, seems like nothing! I remember last June, being at institute, thinking that I has 26 months ahead of me! It's as if I am on mile 16 of the marathon!

Anyway, I hope this finds everyone well. Miss you all.

Much love,
Robert

Portland Marathon

i signed up for the Portland Marathon on October 5th.... I need some accountability now!

TGIF

As of now my certification issues are looking much better, sometimes you have to just go to the top of the ladder to get a situations fixed instead of dealing with all the different people below the director. This relieves a lot of stress... and might provide me the opportunity to go home for half of July and half of August... we'll see soon.

Last day of swim team is tomorrow and the last day of school is July 3rd, coming so quickly! I am attaching some pictures that were just emailed to me. The first few are of Herman Park in Houston, the one green area in the city, ha!

Summer Blues?

The new corps members just took over my summer school classroom about 15 minutes ago and it is so crazy watching them as they nervously stand in front of my 17 students and with shaky voices explain the "new" classroom rules and expectations. I remember being them just one year ago. I remember the crazy amount of stress, nerves, dramaturgical enthusiasm and tiredness I felt with my first week of institute. I hated it. I see the tiredness in their eyes and feel their stress. I remember the naivity as I looked forward to changing the lives of the students in my classroom and having an empact on the world. Right now they are explaining to my students "active learning position" or in my room we call it "scholar position" as if they have never learned active learning position before. It is VERY weird watching them take over my room, for once in my life I feel like I have some knowledge of the teaching profession, simply by having a year of experience leading a classroom. I will not claim I know what I am doing, but I feel like a strangely mature teacher being in here with the new corps members.

I came down with a terrible fever on Thursday before lunch. I somehow managed to make it through the school day although almost in tears and hurting horribly as my my body trembled while I made an attempt to teach my students. I stayed home on Friday because I was too weak to get out of bed... the sickness made for a pretty dull weekend. I also felt really lonely. I wanted so badly to be at home or at a place where I could be around people who cared that I was sick and were willing to bring over soup or gatorade. It sucked being sick alone! My roommates have left for a trip for an undisclosed amount of time and shut off the cable and internet prior to leaving without telling me, so it was truely a very boring stint.

I still can't shake off this unhappiness I have been feeling for the past month. I haven't ever really felt this alone and this down, I was so happy for the first few months of 08. But recently, it has been hard to be enthusiastic about much. A big reason is just being alone, something I hate with a passion. I am going to a gastrointernist at Baylor School of Medicine today to figure out what is going on with my stomach. I have had stomoach issues my whole life, particularly the last few years and especially the last few months. Hopefully all goes well. I am going to really work on trying to be happier... I am having severe certification issues due to the special education certification process and me no longer being a special education teacher. There are two classes I was supposed to take this summer. One of which I was told I did not need to take but then at last minute was told I had to take it but by that point I was already 2 months into coaching my swim team. The other class is supposed to be in July. Well, both classes have to be completed by August to be certified otherwise I have to be an "intern" another year. If that's the case then I am not going to take the class in July and just come home. The district will require that I take them next summer, but I am only teaching here for two years and my certificate, if I did get it, won't transfer anywhere anyway. So, I may be coming home for a big part of July and August. That makes me excited.

Summer School

I have been on a severe emotional roller coaster and I am unclear as to why... I mean there are a lot of things I am facing but I am normally not so up and down, but I have been lately, and it bothers me. For the most part life is going well. I do not like the fact that I am teaching summer school but I am really enjoying the students that I have. I actually love this class. But, it is hard to wake up everyday with the sun out and knowing that this is an optional thing and something that is extra. But this extra will be what saves me financially and allows me to save. Saving is just something I haven't been able to do and it frustrates me. Things come up. Tires get slashed and a new set of tires had to be purchased, gas now costs me $200 a month on top of $300 a month in insurance. I get so overwelmed by all of this. I find it even harder because in order to make friends and go out and be social, things cost money, like going out to eat or to the movies, etc. I need to grow up and get rid of all the debt I carry from college and paying for going abroad, text books, etc, then life will be a little easier, at least financially.

The new 2008 corps arrived in Houston this week and this is their first day observing classrooms and sitting through sessions. My elementary school is one of 4 elementary schools hosting Teach For America's summer institute... it honestly makes me cringe seeing them and seeing all the posters on the walls of their schedules, expectations, rules, etc it brings me back to last year and the horrendously tiring and tough experience TFA laid upon my freshly graduated and very naive to the urban teaching world soul. I do not wish to be them, not even for a second do I wish to go back to the beginning of TFA and start things over... I am ready for next year and one more step closer toward completing two years of very tough public service. Anxiety now begins to rest on what I to do next, I seriously am stuck, not even a clue anymore as what to do with life.

Summer plans are to finish coaching (2 more weeks) and finish summer school (July 3), and take two different classes to complete the certification process so that I can teach next year. The certification process is uberly irritating. In order to even transfer my teaching certifcate out of Texas I will have had to teach in Texas for two years, something I am not real thrilled on doing! If I stay in Texas it is not to teach. I hope to go home at some point for a week or two this summer... i just need to figure out when that is going to be. I also hope to go to San Fransisco for the 4th of July to be with John's family and meet mom there.

I have so much more to say but not really the urge to keep writing, maybe more later.

Much love,
Robert