Summer Blues?

The new corps members just took over my summer school classroom about 15 minutes ago and it is so crazy watching them as they nervously stand in front of my 17 students and with shaky voices explain the "new" classroom rules and expectations. I remember being them just one year ago. I remember the crazy amount of stress, nerves, dramaturgical enthusiasm and tiredness I felt with my first week of institute. I hated it. I see the tiredness in their eyes and feel their stress. I remember the naivity as I looked forward to changing the lives of the students in my classroom and having an empact on the world. Right now they are explaining to my students "active learning position" or in my room we call it "scholar position" as if they have never learned active learning position before. It is VERY weird watching them take over my room, for once in my life I feel like I have some knowledge of the teaching profession, simply by having a year of experience leading a classroom. I will not claim I know what I am doing, but I feel like a strangely mature teacher being in here with the new corps members.

I came down with a terrible fever on Thursday before lunch. I somehow managed to make it through the school day although almost in tears and hurting horribly as my my body trembled while I made an attempt to teach my students. I stayed home on Friday because I was too weak to get out of bed... the sickness made for a pretty dull weekend. I also felt really lonely. I wanted so badly to be at home or at a place where I could be around people who cared that I was sick and were willing to bring over soup or gatorade. It sucked being sick alone! My roommates have left for a trip for an undisclosed amount of time and shut off the cable and internet prior to leaving without telling me, so it was truely a very boring stint.

I still can't shake off this unhappiness I have been feeling for the past month. I haven't ever really felt this alone and this down, I was so happy for the first few months of 08. But recently, it has been hard to be enthusiastic about much. A big reason is just being alone, something I hate with a passion. I am going to a gastrointernist at Baylor School of Medicine today to figure out what is going on with my stomach. I have had stomoach issues my whole life, particularly the last few years and especially the last few months. Hopefully all goes well. I am going to really work on trying to be happier... I am having severe certification issues due to the special education certification process and me no longer being a special education teacher. There are two classes I was supposed to take this summer. One of which I was told I did not need to take but then at last minute was told I had to take it but by that point I was already 2 months into coaching my swim team. The other class is supposed to be in July. Well, both classes have to be completed by August to be certified otherwise I have to be an "intern" another year. If that's the case then I am not going to take the class in July and just come home. The district will require that I take them next summer, but I am only teaching here for two years and my certificate, if I did get it, won't transfer anywhere anyway. So, I may be coming home for a big part of July and August. That makes me excited.